One Way To Go • Natural Attractiveness.

Do you remember the last time you turned down an invitation? Whether it’s a friend inviting you for a social outing or just a colleague asking you to take a break together, there’s a good chance you said “no” to something very recently, perhaps even today. Now, you may have had any number of reasons, and they may be really good reasons for you, but here’s one thing I realized: each invitation you turn down is a missed chance for a beautiful experience. Moreover, if you turn down a couple of them, they will stop coming. This is why today, I’d like to talk to you about the power of saying yes.

Unexpected opportunities.

In these days of modern information technology, it seems like we get flooded with options like never before. For me, hardly a day passes without some sort of invitation to outings: they come as digital newsletters, on social networking sites, or through communities I signed up for. There’s a good chance it’s similar for you. Do you often find yourself turning them down because

a) They’re impersonal
b) You don’t know anybody at that event
c) You’re not really interested
d) You “don’t have time”?

Well, the fact is: often enough, you actually do have time, even if it’s just an hour. Who knows what kind of surprise awaits you, for instance, at that artist gathering? You may just run into a future business partner… Or an amazing woman.

Loosening personal ties.

Now, the greater danger lies in turning down people from your immediate or remote social circle. Everytime you reject somebody’s approach, you thwart their intention to spend time with you and socialize. Assume that anybody who invites you does so because they are truly interested in being around you: how long will they keep asking before they give up on you and move on to someone else? “Losing touch” is a process that happens in the background, often barely perceptible, but it actually happens quickly and soon enough, you’ll have a hard time catching up. By not joining one social gathering, you won’t even hear about subsequent gatherings that people set up on the spur while they’re there.

You’re out of the loop in no time.

Don’t let that happen. When people invite you to spend time with them, think of the power of saying “yes”: you’re affirming and validating the person’s approach, and you’ll open yourself up for some quality time with another person that otherwise, you may actually spend at home by yourself in the misguided idea of “having more important things to do”. Beauty lies in the people around you. Keep them close.

I’d like to talk to you about something that seems to be a major issue for many men: how to tell a girl you like her. Don’t you wish there was an easy way to do that? Most of all, a safe way? After all, you can’t just tell her flat-out, right? That’d be pretty awkward. And it’s not like you never tried: you’ve confessed to girls in the past how much you felt for them, and it made them run away faster than you could say “what the…?”.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side: read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.

Have you ever tried to “talk” a woman into feeling love for you? I’ve been there many times, falling deeply for a girl and finally gathering up the courage to tell her, just to fall flat on my butt. I learned the hard way that rationale will never trigger emotion. Sure, a woman may decide to marry a rich man, but that doesn’t mean love is involved. On the other hand, she may fall desperately for the poorest sitar player because he’s highly emotionally intelligent.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side: read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.

“Even with some of the murderers that I meet, I even like them, too. Sometimes… Like them, and even respect them. Not for what they did, certainly not for that. But for that part of them which is intelligent, or funny or just nice. Because there’s niceness in everyone, a little bit, anyhow.”

- Peter Falk as Lt. Columbo (in “Try and catch me”, 1977)

Okay, here’s a basic lesson about seduction for you guys out there: being men, you innately possess all the attractiveness you need to seduce women. He who wears no masks and is in full alignment with his masculinity shall get laid. Powerful words. Still, that’s not the whole story! As much as women will agree to the first part and hate to admit what comes now, learning how to behave plays a significant part in flirting. The “wrong” tenure, body language or composure can screw you big time before you get to screw anyone else. This is why with all the authenticity and sincerity you need, knowing about the right behavioural traits will help you in your journey to learn how to seduce women.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side: read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.

One day back when I was in school, a friend said to me: “Time is the most precious gift. You can never take it back.” That was in the mid- to late 1990s: the internet was just slowly making its way into households, and my generation was largely unaware of its very existence, let alone the idea of online chatting, e-mail or cell phones. It was long years before the very inception of facebook, twitter or myspace. In these days, the very lack of time-saving technology forced us to do one thing: invest time into each other. So much has changed in merely one and a half decades, but meaningful relationships in today’s society still work according to the same rules.

The social window-shopper

Living in big cities, where millions of faces and stimuli impact on us every day, with the technology to effortlessly reach large numbers of people at our fingertips, we have turned into social window-shoppers. The myriad options we have keep us on our toes nonstop, looking for the best matches to be acquaintances, friends or lovers with. Along the way, we stop building real connections: our self-induced ADD calls us to move on at the first few hints of incompatibility.

Setting up a social event is now a matter of minutes: write your invitation, add all your friends to your recipient list and send off the e-mail. Dates can be arranged via text messages, get-togethers planned on facebook. Yet, do you ever find yourself inviting a large number of people over to your house just to have a mere five or six turn up? What is happening here?

Investing time in another person

Put yourself on the receiving end. Me, I get about 1-3 event invitations each day via e-mail, facebook or text message, and I turn down about 90 per cent of them. Most are from people that I have barely talked to, they just have a virtual online connection with me. I’m sure you can relate.

Living on the countryside throughout the 1990s, inviting people to spend time with was done in two ways: in person, or over the phone. Both involved actually talking to the person, investing effort into a personal interaction during which both parties would exchange stories, catch up, laugh and connect.

Can we find our way back to that? We not only can, we have to. Instead of amassing numbers upon numbers, more and more facebook “friends”, focus more on finding a handful of people that you stick with, and invest in them. Connect, make them feel good, invite them into your life and allow them to share your reality.

And from now on, when you invite somebody, call them up. Schedule five to ten minutes for it. You will see the difference! Meaningful relationships in today’s society can only flourish if we get back in touch with their essence: it’s human interaction, and it will remain cursory without the right amount of attention.

When you’re trying to meet women, you’re going to have to surround yourself by them and put yourself in environments where you can talk to hundreds of women per day if needed. So let’s get right to it, this article is about how to meet girls, plain and simple. Here’s the meat.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side (edited by Chris Calo): read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.

What are some of the things you could never really warm up to? British humour, sushi, Live Action Role Playing, spirituality, horror movies, self-help, daytime television, religion, soccer, beer. I’m sure I just named a few that you, personally, feel no affinity whatsoever for. Yet, people all around you enjoy and appreciate these things on a daily basis. Sure, you can easily dismiss them: but what if I told you that there was a way to appreciate what you don’t like without compromising your stance? Wouldn’t that enrich your life? I learned that it’s feasible, and I’d like to tell you about it.

I never liked the idea of marriage.

To my mind, marriage is unnatural, and if not, it’s certainly against my nature. I don’t have to look at the harrowing statistics to see that it doesn’t work. There are married couples around me that live a lie day-in day-out, drifting along like dead fish at best or making life hell for each other at worst. Yes, I can say with full confidence that marriage is not for me.

I used to joke with my friends when somebody got married: “Let’s send them our condolences”, “ah there goes another one”, “so much for the sex life, better start playing golf now”, “end of the line”.

Then, I got invited to a friend’s wedding. Seeing how much happiness and bliss these two people felt as they made that step, I realized one thing: even though I may still despise the idea of marriage, I can see that there are people out there who genuinely believe in it and whom it makes deeply happy.

Relate to the underlying emotion.

Since then, I have been looking for the underlying emotion in anythnig a person does and appreciates. While I may not enjoy the same kind of activity, I look for the positive aspect that it brings to that person’s life, and if I can conclude that it genuinely enriches their experience, no matter in what way, that is enough for me to appreciate it. I still don’t like marriage, but I’ve made it a habit to congratulate everybody that I see getting married, tell them how beautiful they look and that I wish them the very best. These things I can sincerely say: they do look beautiful, and I do hope they’ll be fine down the line.

This is what positivity is all about. I spoke through a veil of negativity when I joked about weddings, but I shed it, and I’m shedding it about more and more things each day. Still, I haven’t compromised my position on any of them in the least bit. Just because something doesn’t work for you, it can still have a deep significance for somebody else – and to value, respect and appreciate that is one of your highest duties. Connect to people’s underlying emotions, because you’ll find that you carry the same ones inside yourself.

This is what tolerance should be about.

Now, the thing is, if somebody flat-out asked us if we’re judgmental or prejudiced, I’m sure anybody would vehemently deny it and affirm their high regard for tolerance. Yet, if we watched ourselves very closely, we’d be surprised and a bit appalled to find how much judgement we actually pass on people and ideas every day.

How are we going to change that unless drag it into our awareness first? My challenge to you is to become very mindful of your attitude from now on. When you feel a negative notion about something creep in, replace it with this idea: “Whatever floats their boat.” When you have that down, move on to: “This is great for these people.” You always have the option to appreciate what you don’t like. Do it for the sake of those around you, and ultimately, do it for your own sake.

Sometimes, I ask myself if anybody ever counted how often the average man finds himself wondering what to say to a girl. If you did that, you would probably get a frightening daily ratio. “You’ll share an elevator, just you two, and you’ll rise in total silence to the floor”, Rupert Holmes sings in “The people that you never get to love”, a forgotten song from 1979. “Like the fool you are, you get off, and she leaves your life behind a closing door.” And we can all relate. I used to be desperate for any advice on how to meet girls: for a long time, I tried repeating all the funny, witty lines and routines that I’d read in books, but nothing ever got me very far. Then, one autumn evening, it hit me.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side (edited by Chris Calo): read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.

You know it and I know it: tricky situations are inevitable. Life’s a bitch, and it has a way of sneaking up on us and pushing us right between a rock and a hard place when we least need it. So how do you act when life gets tough: do you stay or run away? I’ve seen many people push the “eject” button as soon as possible whenever they were faced with resistance, obstacles, adverse conditions. And hey, why not escape from a bad situation while we can? Well, I have a number of reasons for you, and some advice. Let’s look at why you screw yourself by running from your problems:

1. The next situation might be worse.

If you flee from one situation into another, you may be worse off than you were before. You may move out of your apartment because you’re tired of your roommates who smoke inside and party when you want to sleep – and the next thing you know, your new landlord is a horrible dick who sues you for things you didn’t do.

2. You are missing out on practice.

In our everyday life, we have lots of little issues coming our way that we can easily walk away from; chances are they’ll resolve themselves or drift out of our lives. But then, these little issues are often easy enough to solve! As such, they represent perfect practice: if you tackle and solve them, you will

a) realize that you can fix things
b) consequently feel empowered
c) know what to do when the sh*t really hits the fan.

Believe it or not, you will run into challenges that you cannot back out of, and that’s usually when the stakes are high: a major test for your studies, or a crisis. Once you’re forced to stay and fight, having lots of everyday experience will make it a lot easier for you. You’ll know how to manage your options and resources, how to set priorities or even just distinguish between the aspects that you have control over and those you don’t. You’ve done it all before! It’s the same, just on a larger scale.

So here’s my advice for you today: instead of jumping into the fire, turn down the heat in the frying pan. Hang in there and hold your ground, even if it’s just a small situation. Assess the issue, see what could be done about it and how, and in which order, examine your options and resources, and get cracking. If you sharpen your mind and skills at dealing with problems, your increased confidence and security will be the benefit.

Imagine this for a moment: one day, you open a door like any other and on the other side, there is just a great, shining white. Whatever it holds is inconceivable: for all you know, it has to be a world beyond our well-structured, organized matrix of everyday life, a world where nothing more is predictable, anything can happen and no more rules apply. And your mind yells “but there has to be something! Surely the light is just too bright for me to see what it conceals!” But the fact is, there’s nothing for your rational mind to latch on to, no shapes, no numbers, no regulations, no laws or principles. And no clocks. It’s the total dissolution of the collective reality we’ve created on this side. The idea of stepping through that door freaks us out because there is no way of knowing what waits beyond. People are frightened of horror movies precisely because they thrust open that door to the unknown, to the realm that exists outside our mental boundaries: in a world like that, what would you do? You’d be entirely left to your own devices, because when there are no more rules, that means you’d be the one making them. You’d be completely in control of your fate. You’d be creating your reality. Is that worth overcoming the fear of the unknown? I sure think so.

The “Unknown” is right here.

Now, what if I told you that this realm is here right now? That you are moving around in that timeless, limitless space all your life, and you just negate it? Over the centuries, we humans have blown our civilization and technology so ridiculously out of proportion that we’ve come to accept it as the ultimate truth. In it, life is predictable, cut into neat, manageable chunks governed by clocks and rules. However, there is a reality much greater than that, and it is largely inconceivable by all the rationale our brains have come up with. Nothing happens in contradiction to nature – only to what we know of it. The parts we don’t know may just be strong enough to one day tear down the “reality” we’ve made up.

Today, I challenge you to tear it down for yourself before somebody else does. Here’s how:

1. Stop resisting the Unknown.

We have a tendency to resist against what we don’t know. The problem is that we can’t make something go away by pushing against it: all we do is feed our anxiety about it. The threat that it represents in our minds looms with growing intensity the more we resist. Yet, there are at least two ways to look at something you don’t know:

a) a dangerous entity that threatens the status quo and, hence, your safety.
b) a fascinating new realm to explore and discover.

The first way is the way of resistance I described above. It’s easy at first, because our everyday life mostly offers us the commodity to ignore what we don’t know or want: under ordinary circumstances, everything is prearranged and set up for your maximum comfort. Yet, fate my jump up and bite you in the ass anytime.

The second way is the way of non-reistance: by accepting that there is more than meets the eye, you allow uncertainty into your life, actually welcome it. In doing so, you dissolve some of the mental blocks and walls you find yourself between, and start exploring new ground where you can define a new reality for yourself. You’ve actually done that kind of work before: when you grew out of your childhood, you went and set up the reality that you’ve been stuck in up until now.

Think about it: children hardly have anxieties because everything is new to them. They believe anything is possible, simply because they have no reason to think otherwise.

2. Let go of your need to control.

Accept that ultimately, nothing is completely under your control. Predictable as it may be, you have no power over the outcome of any situation – the only power you have is over your own actions, and that’s your major asset, your strength, your card up your sleeve.

3. Be impulsive.

Oftentimes, your gut will tell you to do something, but your brain will interfere and stop you: “No, no! That’s too dangerous, the stakes are too high, you should analyze the odds first, this needs to be carefully planned.” All those thoughts create your anxiety. Overcoming the fear of the unknown is about going beyond the limits of rational thinking: powerful as it may be as a tool, it can hold us back in situations where we could unleash our potential and access new ground. From now on, keep that open door and the white light in mind: you can be the explorer.

“You reap what you’ve sown”. “Life’s what you make it”. Don’t you love those catchphrases that contain a world of value in just a few words? I have another one for you that is both easy to remember and powerful in its message: “stop needing, start wanting”. It’s time you take some steps to learn how to stop being needy: today’s article is about transforming it into a strong notion of “wanting”.

FURTHER READING.

• Full article by The Bright Side (edited by Chris Calo): read it here!
• Originally published on Art of Seduction.